Chapter 19: Earth

The trip to Earth was as silent as space itself.  Not one wanted to talk about anything, especially the trial that had left a very bitter taste in everyone’s mouth.  There was nothing to really do but stare at the stars as they few by, which started to bore Blurr to the umth degree.  “So… what is Earth like?” asked Drift, in an attempt to strike up some casual conversation.  “I’ve only heard about it from a few mechs who had returned from helping out with strengthen the Autobot/Human alliance.”

“Don’t really know,” said Kup.  “I didn’t stay for very long before coming back to Cybertron.”

“I don’t know much about earth or the issues between us Autobots and the humans,” said Blurr.  “What about you Perceptor?  Do you have a clue as to what’s currently going on with that?”  Everyone looked over to see him gazed out the window, in a deep and silent contemplation.  Something was on his mind, but no one was willing to pull him away from it since he was not much of the type to talk, and didn’t look like he was in the mood to speak.  For all they knew, he was still attempting to comprehend what Monocle had done, and the trial itself.  

“Maybe we should just stay quiet for the rest of the trip?” suggested Drift, knowing that his attempt at any conversation had failed.  “I don’t think anyone… much less Perceptor and Springer want to talk.”

“Fine by me,” said Kup.  “With what happened, there is probably a lot going on in their minds and I think they just want some time to just think.”  Drift and Blurr nodded and remained seated, leaving the two mechs to their thoughts.

Springer was standing on the observation deck, looking out at the unending space that stretched before him.  “An energon chip for your thoughts?” asked Shaman as he walked up.  Springer only sighed as he carefully chose his words.

“I don’t really know what to think about all this anymore,” he finally spoke.  “I’m expected to be a parent to the kid… but for some reason…. I can’t.  I don’t even know the first thing about being a parent.  Much less what I need to do.”

“You’re scared of making the same mistake twice… aren’t you?” asked Shaman.

“That obvious?” asked Springer.  Sighing again, he let his head gently tap the glass.  “Primus… why did she have to be mine?  It would have been countless times easier if she wasn’t… and even more… if she were a mech.”

“You’re blaming her,” said Shaman as he joined Springer in gazing out into the abyss that stretched before them.  “I don’t get why you’re blaming a child for something that she has no control over.  She was born this way.  I would think of it as a challenge to prove that she is nothing like her mother.”  

“A challenge?” asked Springer.  “Are you serious?  She’s the child of Arcee, a femme… I mean… no one knows what she is even capable of doing.  And for all I know, there is still a high probability that she might turn out just like her mother.  She’s a curse.  A curse that sadly lives among us.”

“You’re never going to stop blaming her… are you?” asked Shaman as he grew worried.  Springer sighed again as he mulled over the words that just spilled from his mouth, knowing that Shaman didn’t want him to continue thinking in that fashion.  It was true that the sparkling had no control over who her parents were, what sex she turned out to be… it was such a great mess, that in all essence, she was stuck with.

“Sorry Shaman,” spoke Springer as he looked down at his hands.  “I just… for whatever reason… I can’t find a reason to love her, to be around her… to have anything to do with her.  For all I know… I was never supposed to be the one to father her.”

“If that is the case, then you need to start looking for a reason to be a much needed father in her life,” stated Shaman as he began to walk away.  “Find a reason to be a father, and maybe… things will start to fall into place to where… you may start to like her, then love her.”
 


“Shaman, please… stop doing that,” grumbled Springer as he turned to him.  “You sound like one of those psychologists that know everything about me, where I don’t know anything about myself.  Like you expect me to become all…. fatherly to her and start giving her hugs and whatever else.”

“I don’t expect you, or anyone else to suddenly be all cozy with her once you settle into your new life on Earth,” stated Shaman.  “I understand that this will be a process that has to be taken in very small steps until you can fully be capable of opening up and becoming a father to her.”

“Just… leave me alone,” grumbled Springer.  “I don’t even know if this will even work, much less change who I am.”  He then turned to gaze back at the stars to hopefully put his thoughts in order.  Shaman only nodded and left to check on the femme.  

As he walked into the room, the little femme was still wrapped up in a warm blanket with just her small face poking out.  Taking a seat next to the tiny bed, he looked to see a very troubled expression on her face.  “What’s wrong sweetie?” he asked as he quickly checked the usual culprits.  She didn’t need to be changed, was just fed less than a half an hour ago with a good burp… the only thing that was left…  “You must be having a nightmare.”  His spark sank as he saw her body twitch, cringe, shrink back, and attempt to block whatever blow she was receiving in her mind.  “It’s okay sweetie.  Things should start to look up once we get to earth.  At least… I hope.”  Shaman had heard very little about the neutral village that he, Springer, and the wreckers would be staying at.  All that was told was that it was small, has a few shops, a pub or two, a school, and housing for everyone.  “Primus… please let things work out here for her.  If they don’t, I fear for the worst for this little one.”  Trying to remain optimistic about starting a new chapter for the little femme, something was still bothering him, deep in the back of his processor.  A fear, that things may not turn out so perfect when his back was turned.

----------

The rest of the trip was deafeningly silent, except for Drift, Kup and Blurr talking, just to keep things interesting for the trip.  Springer kept to himself, wandering the halls of the ship, and his own mind.  Perceptor stayed in his seat, still attempting to make logical sense of what happened in the past 2 months.  Shaman remained with the little femme as she remained asleep, with nightmares, consistently plaguing her mind.  “Attention everyone, we are making our initial decent onto Earth,” spoke the captain over the comm. system.  “Please return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts as we should be landing shortly.”

“New life… new home… new piece of hell to live through,” mumbled Springer as he made his way back.  Shaman strapped himself into a seat that was close to the femme’s bed to keep an optic on her during the landing.

“I hope she can handle this,” he sighed as he readied himself.  Entry was a bit rough, but quickly smoothed out as they cleared the atmosphere.  Shaman looked over to see the femme, still asleep in her carrier.  He sighed heavily as he was both relieved and happy, seeing she hadn’t woken up.

“Attention passengers, we will be landing in quadrant 9062 in half an hour,” spoke the captain.  “Please remain seated for the rest of the flight and we will be on the ground shortly.”

“Finally,” grumbled Blurr.  “I need to stretch my legs out before they rust.”

“You’re gears won’t rust that quickly,” said Kup as he looked out the window to see quite a bit of green.  “… What in Primus’s name are those?”  Everyone looked out to see large green pillars reaching for the sky.

“I’ve never seen anything like that before,” said Drift as he gazed at the massive things.

“I believe they are called, ‘trees’,” said Perceptor.  “I remember reading the reports from returning Autobots, and I believe that is what the humans call them.”

“So this planet is not a complete mud ball after all?” asked Kup.

“I think there are other ‘creatures’ that live on this planet too, but I don’t know all of their names,” answered Perceptor.

“So we’re going to have to study what lives here?” groaned Blurr as he just wanted to have some down time from everything that happened on Cybertron.

“If anything, I’ll study what also lives here and just relay the information to everyone,” said Perceptor as he continued to watch the scenery fly by.  Everyone only nodded as the cabin went quiet until the hissing and grinding of the landing gears echoed through the ship.  Before long, they were on the ground and disembarking.

“Finally,” said Blurr as he stretched out his whole body.  He then looked down to see some green things sticking up from the ground.  “… What in the name of Primus is this?”

“It’s called grass,” spoke Shaman as he stepped out with the femme in his arms.  “I believe that at least 2/3rds of the planet is covered in water, and the rest is land.  I will give everyone a quick update on this planet so all of us will know what to expect.”  Everyone only nodded as they were shown where their new home would be until further notice.  As they walked through the woods, they came to the small neutral village that they were briefed about.  Walking through, they saw shops, pubs and many neutrals walking around with sparklings and younglings… all mechs.  Shaman only sighed as he could only hope things would work out for the little femme as she grew up.  His biggest concern was if the Neutrals had heard about her, and knew anything about her.  If they did, what would happen next was the next question.

----------

After a moment, he placed his questions to the side as they arrived at the safe house.  It was a quaint house that was big enough to house at least 5 full sized seekers, giving everyone their much needed space from the cramped living quarters back on Cybertron.  “I hope everyone appreciates the space,” said Shaman as he entered the house.  “Ratchet wanted the place big enough for everyone, especially for this one since she will be growing.”  As everyone looked around, they were amazed with how nice the place was, and how roomy it was.  Their attention then turned to the rooms that they would stay in for the time being.  Kup, Blurr, Drift and Perceptor had their rooms on the first floor, while Springer and the little femme’s room were up on the second floor.  “Go ahead and look around guys.  I’m going to put her in her room so she can sleep.”

“Didn’t she sleep all the way here?” asked Kup.

“Not really,” said Shaman.  “She got hungry not long after takeoff, and had a lot of trouble trying to latch onto the nipple of the bottle.  Some of the trip was getting her to eat, but most was dealing with the nightmares that she was experiencing.  Because of the neglect she was put through, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if they are connected.”  Everyone went silent as they knew that it was their fault that the child was unable to eat and could barely sleep.  As Shaman went upstairs to lay the femme down for hopefully a very calm nap, everyone slowly began to look around to become more acquainted to their new surroundings.  Kup and Perceptor seemed to become farely comfortable with the new arrangements, Blurr wondered if there was a track that he could use to run on… hopefully without breaking it, Drift began thinking about making a small area out in the woods his training grounds to perfect his sword techniques, but Springer… was lost in his thoughts as he continued to figure out how to be a father to the little femme.

Finally deciding to go to his new room and get settled in it, he climbed the stairs to see that Shaman’s room was at the top of the stairs on the right, and then the femme’s room where at the end of the hall, was a linen closet.  On the left was a bathroom for him, Shaman, and the femme to share, then came his room that was situated right across from the femme’s.  “Great… I can already tell this is going to work out just fine,” he thought to himself sarcastically.  Without another word, he slipped into the room and closed the door, hoping that no one would bother him until tomorrow.

----------

The whole day was nothing but a heavy fog that permeated the house.  Shaman could feel how heavy the atmosphere was.  It was foreboding at best… and downright suffocating at worst.  No one spoke to each other… only giving quick glances to acknowledge whoever they crossed paths with.  The little femme could feel it too as she tried to hide under her blankets to momentarily escape the feeling.  Sadly, there was no comfort for her as her whole body remained very tense.  Shaman knew that everyone was slowly acclimating to their new surroundings… but there was something going on.  As the humans would say in this instance: “There is a storm brewing”, and he knew that Springer would be at the center of it all.

As day gave way to night, Springer remained in his room while the others did as they wanted.  Exploring the whole house, the woods, and even going into town to get an idea as to where everything was.  Shaman stayed at the safe house, keeping an optic on the little femme as she continued to have trouble sleeping, eating, and trying to keep her trying to isolate herself.  His spark sank as he knew why she wanted nothing to do with anyone; especially after what had transpired in the jail cells on Cybertron.  Every time he tried to play with her, she would try to crawl away to some corner to huddle into to mentally and emotionally shut down, hoping to be numb once again from all the pain.  Sighing to himself again, he gently picked her up from the failed attempt at playing.  “Come on sweetie,” he spoke softly.  “It’s bath time.”  

Sadly… bath time for the little femme was not what other little sparklings and younglings normally experienced.  Sure… there were toys in the tub that would float on the warm and bubbly water… but for the femme… it was another game of torture as she would attempt to claw her way out, fearing of being drowned… or sexually assaulted once again.  She tried screaming as hard and as loud as she could… but because her vocal processor had be taken out to be repaired… nothing… not even a little sound came out of her mouth.  But it was painfully obvious with the expression of terror and pain on her tiny face… this was not a time to enjoy and relax.  It was nothing but pain to her.  A painful memory that may never fade away… even in time.

As bath time ended rather quickly… half the bathroom and Shaman’s whole front was soaked from the femme’s violent thrashing.  She breathed hard as she was wrapped semi tightly in a warm towel, tears streaming from her optics as she waited whatever would happen next.  Shaman only sighed as he gently began to massage her through the towel, not only to dry her… but to hopefully calm her to where she would fall asleep.  At least… that is what he hoped as he began to feel her body slowly go limp under the towel.  Thinking it was working, he continued, and took deep breaths himself to remain calm.  He decided to check under the now wet mound of a towel and saw she has slowly drifted into a light slumber.  Her optics shooting open… then lazily drifting shut every now and again.  Laying her on the changing table, he quickly placed a clean diaper on her, and into some warm, footie pajamas.  Shaman smiled to himself as he saw the little femme finally fall asleep as the warmth of the pajamas lolled her to sleep.  He then tucked her in and set a small stuffed animal to the side of her… hoping that maybe she would look at it as a companion in her young life.  

As Shaman watched the little femme sleep peacefully for once, he heard the others walk through the door, not making much of a noise as he heard them make their ways to their rooms to call it a night.  He looked back at the femme as she curled up more into the blanket.  He wanted to smile… but could feel his spark sink as he knew she would be waking up periodically through the night from any memories turned nightmares in her sleep.  Without a thought, he stood up quietly, left the room… and came back with a chair for him to sit in and stand watch.  As he took his vigial, he remembered what Ratchet had tasked him to do while he was with Springer and his Wreckers team.  

~~“You are going to need to teach Springer how to be a parent to her… you understand that?” asked Ratchet.

“Yes… I do sir,” spoke Shaman.  Ratchet could tell something was up.

“Penny for your thoughts?” asked Ratchet.  “And don’t go lying to me.”  Shaman only sighed.

“Why can’t I be the one to raise her?” he asked in a rather angry tone.  “Springer can hardly take care of his ship at times… and you expect me to just sit back and watch him try to raise a child that he has no love for???”  Ratchet looks at the young medic, surprised to see the once nervous mech become angry.  Shaman quickly realized what he had said to his superior.  “… My apologies, sir.  I just… I just don’t think giving Springer a second chance to try and raise this child is a good idea.”  Ratchet could tell that Shaman’s worries were not without warrant.

“Shaman… I get it,” he spoke calmly.  “And I too, agree that allowing Springer another chance to be a parent to the little femme may be dangerous… but it doesn’t mean that he can’t find it in himself to start loving her and being a parent to her.  This might have been just a rough patch for him.  You have to remember, he was broadsided by all this and on top of that, expected to be a parent to her when he most likely didn’t know how to.  That is why I’m sending you with them.  You will be teaching Springer how to be a parent.  That includes feeding, playing, bathing, grooming, clothing… anything that she requires at the age she is at.”  Shaman only turned away and nodded.  He didn’t want to accept Ratchet’s reasoning or plan to get Springer to get his head out of his aft to become a parent.  Plus… what if it didn’t work?  Would Springer still be given that right to call all the shots because he was her biological parent?  He was scared to even think about it.

“Sir… what… what if Springer screws up again?” he asked bluntly.  “What if he can’t connect with her and just treats her like she’s garbage?  Who will take care of her?  Who will be positive to her when everything around her is negative?”  Ratchet looked at Shaman… turned away to think… and formed a small plan.

“If that’s the case… then I will have you be the one to pick up the slack,” he stated firmly.  “You have made more of an effort to comfort her when she needed it… and I can tell that you want to give her some comfort in knowing that someone at least has her back.  So… I will get the paper work going on that… and if Springer messes up again… she will be yours until further notice.  Feel better about that?”  Shaman nodded.

“Thank you sir,” he spoke, relieved.  Ratchet nodded and returned to his work, letting Shaman go and pack for the long trip.~~

Shaman sighed again, stroking the little femme’s head.  “If he does mess up again… he will never hear the end of it with me,” he grumbled to himself.  It was then he made a promise to do everything he could to protect the little femme the minute Springer turned violent toward her.  He didn’t want to risk another “Monocle Episode” to happen in her already short and violent life.